Dealing with Fetishes that are not Porn Induced

[Q]

Hi,

I just wanted to say I enjoy your videos. I understand that your video on Dealing with Unwanted urges has to do with men who escalated to fetish porn, but my case is different in the sense that I have had a foot fetish since I was a child and I’m 31 years old. I watch foot fetish porn and nothing else. 

I’m not sure if this means it’s more hardwired in my brain and less amendable to change, but it’s not something I’m proud of, as you can imagine. Do you think it’s possible for even someone like me to change? Perhaps I can learn to cope with the urges, even if I will always have a fetish for female feet.

Do you have any additional advice you can provide me? Anything would be greatly appreciated by me. Again, good job and keep up the good work.

 

[A]

Hey man!

You bring up a good point. I recognize that there are porn induced fetishes and then there are ones that are much more deeply rooted. Some people have had traumatic or intense experiences and have developed fetishes as a way of confronting and working through those problems. There are other fetishes (like yours) that are actually seem to be a more hardwired case and may be rooted in biology.

So first, I want you to understand that you are not weird and don’t have anything to be ashamed of for a sexual preference such as this. From what I’ve read, it is possible that the strength of this fetish has grown through pornography use. Like any behavior, when it is reinforced with pleasurable experiences (i.e. orgasm) it will grow stronger.

When taken from this perspective, there are some things to consider – for example – if you were to stop watching foot porn would your shame over your foot fetish decrease? Could you reach a place of healthy acceptance of your sexual preference if you had all other aspects of your sexuality functioning on a higher plane of expression? If so, I believe that focusing specifically on making the foot fetish disappear is not necessary. The focus should be on getting off of porn. Check out yourbrainonporn.com and join redditcom/r/nofap if you haven’t.

I believe that by doing this, you will reduce the intensity of your foot fetish. Our sexuality is plastic in the sense that it can change and be shaped. If you wish to completely remove the fetish from your life then that will be a more intense process because it would require a lot of inner work. Some people may say that such a thing is impossible and you are better off accepting yourself the way that you are. However, I have great faith in the plasticity of the brain and being able to truly change ourselves to have our internal desires align with our higher ideals.

My take on it is that we must always unconditionally accept the reality of who we are in the present moment. However, I believe that we must hold open infinite possibilities for ourselves in the next moment. Accept where you are, but believe that you can be where you want to be!

Hope this helps!

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