How to deal with envy of other people’s sexual experiences

[Q]

Hi

I have a problem being envyous of other people and especially women. The envy comes from thinking that everyone is constantly having sex while I am not; and this comes from tv/radio/friends/imagination. This drives me nuts!

Any tips on dealing with envy and jealousy? 

[A]

There’s a simple component and a complex component to this question. The complex part involves doing something, and the simple part involves not doing something. So the simple part is basically just learning how to stop your mind from going into that jealous cycle. When you find yourself thinking these jealous thoughts, STOP! Think about something else. Preferably think about why you shouldn’t care about this in the first place and then go do something better with your mental energy.

The complex part involves you doing the inner work necessary to feel good about yourself regardless of whether you are having sex or not. This is an absolutely essential thing if you ever want to be free from the control of lust, desire, and sex in general. It will also be important to work through these media messages about sex and form your own opinions. For example: first of all, is everyone really having as much sex as you think? Secondly, is that even a good thing? Thirdly, why would you care even if they are?

Keep asking questions and actually trying to answer them. It is in the process of answering questions that we make the connections that help us change.

Hope this helps put things in perspective!

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