Here’s a letter I received that I wanted to share with all of you. It really does one good to hear from the “other side” when trying to quit porn.
I just wanted to email someone who would understand.
I have been married almost 9.5yrs.
After 8.5yrs, my husband dropped a “bomb” on me. He admitted to
looking at porn a few times. Only a handful in our marriage.
Then he almost immediately began pressuring me to watch it with him.
He has no desire to touch himself – he wants to use me. I’m
supposed to be his “warm body” while he watches porn, and he would
prefer if *I* enjoyed it as well.
From what I’ve read of your site, and yourbrainonporn, he has certain
symptoms of a hard user (I don’t think he is now, for many reasons, we
talk on the phone during all his breaks, commutes and he doesn’t have
a Smart phone). I guess before he met me, he looked at a fair bit, so
he had a nice slew of mental images to work through when we had sex.
Every now and then, he had to look to get something “new” to think
I’ve never really understood our sex life very well until your
website.. I knew it felt all about HIM and his orgasm was of critical
He is very much like an addict. IF he gets it, he’s happy. IF he
doesn’t, he’s either irritated at the whole world, or very loving and
all over me. Whichever he thinks will get him his next “fix”. I
learned early on, it’s best not to go visit anyone unless he’s had his
After it came out that he had looked, I guess he’s realized that I
didn’t like it, and now he has been thinking of it constantly. Wanting
to look, not wanting to think about wanting to look, etc. He’s trapped
in a brain loop. He’s either thinking about porn, or thinking about
NOT thinking about it.
It’s tough, very tough, where I am. I love this man, so very much. He
is amazing in many ways. But a long time ago, this hooked him –
strong. He hasn’t seen as much as perhaps the average broad band user
– he never had more than one window open at a time, for example, but
what he’s seen has him hooked terribly. He admits that I simply can’t
compete with what he’s seen when we’re in bed. And I really, really
try. But from his reaction, I gather that most of my attempts at being
kinky are rather lame ….
Anyway. I just wanted to share from the other side, I guess. He tries
sometimes, last weekend was amazing. It was like he actually cared
about me in bed. That makes it all the harder to go back to the
reality that he wants porn, and he doesn’t want any fall out the next
day from me. He sometimes gets bitterly angry with me that I won’t
watch it with him … and resents me.
I am so broken over this, but yet stronger than I’ve ever been. I wish
he would look at your site and others. I showed them to him months
ago, and they only made him angry.
I’d give so much to be ‘enough’.