I believe the two things that make a man attractive to a woman are the two key ingredients for mature love. Mature love is a total gift of self and a total reception of the other. In many ways these two components are what’s necessary to be a balanced man.
1. Need to be fully comfortable, stable and integrated in yourself. Basically you need to be able to be self-determined and self-fulfilled. Think of it as loving yourself.
2. Need to be able to grow with another person. This means that you need to be willing to harmonize yourself with another being. This can be thought of as loving others.
When you have these components then you are someone who can experience mature, romantic love. These capabilities are naturally attractive to any woman seeking love. Without these things then there will either be some sort of negative block or dependency which leads to a limited kind of love.
Loving and taking care of yourself
The first point here of being comfortable in your own skin is becoming increasingly common knowledge in areas of masculine self development. If you go on NoFap and you see topics about someone obsessing over women or some guy who is really down because he can’t get a girl, then it’s almost guaranteed someone will tell him that he needs to stop basing his self worth on his romantic success and that he’s better off focusing on himself. By doing these things a man shows that he doesn’t need a woman, and because of that women will find him more attractive.
No woman wants to be needed she wants to be wanted. If you need a woman, then the choice of the woman that you pick means less. They will be able to sense that they are just filling a role for you. Their attention is just something that you need in order to feel good about yourself. This essentially devalues them and turns them into a commodity. Not attractive very attractive, right?
If a man can take care of himself and has his own passions, then woman knows that she will not have to play mommy to him. A man who doesn’t have these things is still somewhat immature.This kind of immature man wants a girl who will take care of him, tell him what to do and help him grow up. I know many relationships like this where the guy is a big manbaby and the girl has a nurturing spirit and gets a sense of purpose from taking care of him. While this forms a symbiotic bond, I believe that this limits the amount of true passion and love that could be flowing here.
The ways you can strengthen this aspect is by getting your shit together. Take charge of your life and start doing the things that matter. Pursue your passions. If you don’t have passions then get off your ass and find them. If you don’t feel good about yourself then start meditating to realize that you are already a beautiful human being worthy of love and then go do the things that reflect this truth. Go to the gym, study, work, play and live your life to the fullest.
Now being confident and having your life together is only half the equation. If you can’t connect and grow WITH another person then all you will be able to do is either force them to go your way or split.
Like I said in the beginning, true mature love is a total gift of self and a total reception of the other. The goal is to create a purely additive bond between you where you are both whole and complete on your own, and combine to form something even greater. So often relationships are based upon some sort of co-dependence where neither person is complete and they use the other to fill in a part of themselves.
When you learn to truly love another you grow with them so that you both reach a place of independence and fullness as individuals but then also combine and harmonize your own natural greatness to create something even more beautiful.
Finally it’s worth mentioning that if you are religious/spiritual then there is a third component and that is to love God. This love should supersede loving yourself and loving the other.